


delicate

by unsaved_joj



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Crying, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 01:27:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17356376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaved_joj/pseuds/unsaved_joj
Summary: Noel’s brow furrowed, and Cody’s eyes moved downward to see that Noel was breathing insanely fast.“Are you okay?”Noel shook his head, lip quivering.“No. I’m not.” His raspy voice pierced Cody’s chest like a bullet.





	delicate

**Author's Note:**

> was listening to delicate by taylor swift and thought of this, hope y’all enjoy :)

Cody let his mind run free during thunderstorms. In LA, it was hard to come by harsh storms, or even rain in general, but when they were around, they lashed at the windows and walls like Cody’s thoughts crashed and rattled his brain. The news hasn’t said anything about the storm, coming out of the blue, bringing in things Cody hadn’t wanted to think about. He was alone tonight. The house was hollow, Cody the only living soul inside its walls. He sat in his living room, cradling a cup of tea, watching steam roll from atop the liquid. He seemed unable to break out of his stare, listening to the pounding against the window behind him.

Cody never really liked to think too much. It didn’t work. He wished he could be spontaneous and free from thought, but it crept in like a virus. He supposed it could be a good thing in certain situations, like planning ahead for events. But, when he was alone and in the dark, hearing wind threaten his windows, thought frightened him. Especially when it was about Noel.  
Thinking of Noel’s name made his palms sweat.   
His best friend, someone he trusted with his life, someone who could make him laugh instantly, someone he couldn’t imagine life without...he was in love with him.

And no, not the brotherly best friend kind of love, but the head-over-heels, sick when you think about them, totally sugar gay type of love. And it embarrassed him, and worried him, and scared him. Noel was his friend. His best friend. That was it. Nothing else. But every time he repeated the mantra in his head, it wasn’t true. Because, Noel was still his best friend, but there were other things.

The way Noel cupped his face when he laughed and threw his head back at jokes Cody didn’t even consider funny. How Noel could cheer him up instantly without even trying. How Noel’s hand would linger sometimes on Cody’s shoulder, or how Cody almost never had to ask for permission to touch Noel. Little things, too. His mouth, opening slightly more on one side. Those honey brown eyes he wished he could drown in. How he always paid full attention to Cody whenever the man spoke, never looking away or at his phone.

Cody didn’t like that he liked Noel, but with all those reasons and more, he couldn’t help himself. He was nauseous with want, and guilt, and frustration. Liking Noel was wrong. He wasn’t supposed to have a chest-collapsing crush on his best friend. Sure, people had them occasionally, but they’d pass. Cody didn’t think this was going away any time soon. And it hurt. It sucked to yearn for something that was obviously out of reach. That pain wasn’t just emotional but it was physical, getting winded every time he thought of Noel, legs weak and head spinning.

A crack of thunder interrupted his thoughts, almost knocking the cup of tea out of his hands. Cody hadn’t noticed the light stream of tears running down his cheeks, but wiped them away with the back of his hand, taking a sip of his tea.   
A knock at the door sounded. Cody froze, sniffing, a little nervous that someone was knocking in the middle of a thunderstorm late at night. He set his mug down lightly, sticking his phone in his back pocket as he stood from the leather couch. Walking across the plush carpet toward the door, his anxiety rose. Who could it be? He always kept a baseball bat by the door, so he had that if things went south. Reaching the doorknob, he took a deep breath before cracking it open. When Cody saw who it was, the door swung open even further.

Noel. Noel Miller, in all his breath-taking glory, standing in the pouring rain on Cody’s porch. He was shivering, clutching his jacket tight around himself, black hair curling loosely and dripping with rain. His nose was bright red, and Cody had the pitying assumption that he’d been crying. It made sense with the pleading expression on his face, light eyes begging, for what Cody didn’t know. Cody opened the door slightly, motioning for him to come inside.  
“Hey.” He said, concern coating his tone. Noel just nodded, entering while looking at his Vans, probably destroyed by the rain. Cody moved behind Noel to close the door, and turned to the man taking off his shoes.

Cody hoped he didn’t look too conspicuous, eyes too red. Noel finally removed his Vans and followed Cody into the living room. Cody went to sit but Noel didn’t, just standing in the middle of the room. His fingers were going wildly by his sides, tapping quickly against his torn jeans. He still hadn’t said a word. Cody moved closer, getting a better look at his face. His usually golden-brown, bright eyes were dulled and red-rimmed, eyelids puffy with crying.   
“Noel...” Cody wasn’t sure what to say. Noel’s brow furrowed, and Cody’s eyes moved downward to see that Noel was breathing insanely fast.   
“Are you okay?” 

Noel shook his head, lip quivering.   
“No. I’m not.” His raspy voice pierced Cody’s chest like a bullet. “My brain won’t fucking shut off.” He looked away, a hand moving up to rub his ear. Cody knew. Panic.  
“I underst-“  
“But I don’t know if you do!” Noel blurted out, alarmed by how quick and loudly he spoke. He cleared his throat, cracking his neck a bit.   
“S-Sorry. I mean, I’ve been thinking about...you.” They took a beat, brown eyes locked. 

“Sorry, but I have to get this off my chest, dude. I keep thinking about you and I’m not sure why, or how I think about you, and I’m confused and it-it hurts. And I get nervous during thunderstorms but I was worrying about you, and if you were okay. So, I was a nervous wreck, but I could only think about you and how you were doing, so I took an Uber and I should have texted you but they dropped me off at the wrong spot and I had to walk through the fucking storm-“

A clap of thunder followed closely by lightning echoed, causing Noel to flinch. Cody’s eyes were welling with tears at the sight of seeing Noel so panicked. But, the man continued.  
“But I don’t even care about me. I care about you. I was worried you weren’t okay, and it sucks because you’re all I think about, and I hate myself for telling you all this because now nothing is gonna be the same. I’m sorry I came here, but I had to, and I-I-“ Tears were falling down his face in rapid succession, making his face red and congested.  
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m ruining everything, I’m sorry-“

“Noel!” Cody’s voice interrupted the man, who was choking on his own tears.   
“You’re not breathing.” He said a little softer. Noel nodded quickly, attempting to speak but just coming out with warbled sobs. Cody opened his arms slightly, and Noel walked into them, clinging as tightly as he could. Cody hugged back, feeling Noel’s nails digging into him, scrambling.  
“You gotta breathe, okay?” Cody said, rubbing Noel’s spine. “Just focus on me.”  
Noel was trying his hardest, which only seemed to make things worse. Cody told him to relax a little and take things a little more slowly, and Noel attempted to. His breathing eventually returned to a somewhat normal pace, but he continued to cry silently.

“Noel, can I tell you something?” Cody asked. Noel nodded, and the two pulled apart, Noel’s damaged eyes staring into his. Cody’s shirt was damp now, but he didn’t feel it.  
“I feel everything you’re feeling.” Noel blinked. There was a pause.  
“Cody, you can’t-“  
“But I do.”   
Noel shook his head, but Cody continued.  
“I was thinking about that shit too. Right before you got here. I know exactly what you’re talking about. And I know it’s wrong. I fucking hate myself for it...But that doesn’t mean I hate you or anything. Not at all.” He paused, sighing. “Fuck I can’t explain this very well.”

Noel nodded, sniffing, cracking his neck a bit.  
“I get it.” His voice was quiet, wrecked. Cody took in a shaky breath, vision blurring.  
“I know you do. I feel vulnerable. I feel scared. I don’t know what to do.” Cody’s voice was shaking now, a few hot tears slipping down his cheeks.  
“Me either.” Noel couldn’t look at him anymore. He felt like he’d just revealed something similar to committing a murder. He could hear Cody sniffling, the man’s veiny hands shaking. Noel bit his bottom lip, eyes welling up as he placed a hand on the side of Cody’s face, cupping his cheek. Cody swallowed a lump in his throat, forcing his eyes to look into Noel’s. They were so tattered from crying, so broken, it just made him feel worse.   
They didn’t know why they did what the did. Maybe it was how vulnerable the both of them were, or how things seemed to clear up a little after all the information spewed forth. But they both moved a little closer before Cody closed it off, lips colliding together, almost in slow motion.

Noel let out a sob in the back of his throat, but didn’t pull away, his free hand meeting Cody’s other cheek. Cody’s hands went to Noel’s sides, feeling his ribs poking out of his skinny form, causing Noel to jolt. He muttered an apology between kisses, hot tears rushing down both of their faces, the taste of saltwater in Cody’s mouth. They felt horrible. They felt like they were committing the world’s biggest crime. Yet, they didn’t want to care. Even if they were crying into each other in these delicate circumstances, it kinda felt okay. Because, after all, they were still best friends. They kissed for a moment longer before they both pulled away, foreheads resting on each other. Noel’s eyes were closed, Cody’s open.   
“Is it cool that I said all that?” Noel mumbled under his breath, hands still on Cody’s face, a thumb caressing his cheek. Cody shrugged.  
“I’m not sure.” His voice came out hoarse, worse than he thought. Noel nodded a bit. Cody couldn’t believe how many tears this man had.

“What do we do now, dude?” Noel asked again, earning another shrug. Neither of them would pull away, just admiring each other’s company yet cursing themselves for what they were doing.  
“I’m sorry.” Noel mumbled.  
“You don’t need to apologize, Noel. This is just...a tough situation. We’ll figure it out.” He said reassuringly, the warm hand on Noel’s side feeling like a comfort. Noel nodded again.   
“Now stop being so fuckin’ gay.” Cody’s impression was jagged and rough from crying, but funny nonetheless. Noel snorted, the two pulling away from each other.

“Wait...are you gay?” Noel asked after a pause. Cody shrugged.  
“I could be. I never really felt anything until...you.” He admitted the last part a little softer. Noel hummed.   
“Me too.”   
Cody’s face lit up a little. They stayed quiet, and Cody could almost feel the surge of normalcy coming back. Almost.  
“So...are we...” Cody bit his bottom lip, unsure of how to word things. Noel’s brow was furrowed, arms crossing.  
“If you’d want to. This seems wrong on...so many levels, but it feels nice too. So...we’ll figure it out along the way and see what happens.” Noel spoke, voice breaking a few times. Cody nodded before moving forward again, pressing a small kiss to Noel’s lips. Noel smiled, or tried to. Things would work out eventually, even if it was a bit discombobulated.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave feedback!


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